Adolescence and Coming of Age
In the modern Western world we do little to celebrate the transition from childhood to adolescence. In days gone by and in tribal cultures the young man’s first hunt or first battle, even if it was only as spear carrier, was the demarcation of manhood, there was much celebration as the young woman marked her transition from child to woman with her first menstruation. The only celebrations which occur in adolescence are the Christian confirmation (and the age of this varies widely between Christian faiths) which only marks the affirmation of the spiritual path, and in the Jewish faith for a young man and woman.. Consequently the only celebration is on attaining the age of majority at eighteen.
Many feel that remaining a child until the age of eighteen is far too late, after all the age of consent is only sixteen, and from sixteen to eighteen is a very grey area with the young person permitted to do some things and prohibited from doing others.
Talk to any thirteen or fourteen year old young person and they will tell you that they are not a child any more, almost all of that age are capable of becoming parents and, unfortunately, some do. Young people taking on the appearance of adults want more responsibility, perhaps not as much as an adult, but they want society to recognise that they no longer wish to be classed as children. As they physically and mentally grow and change they want to mark this transition.
The debate on whether a ceremony marking puberty will give these young people a better understanding of responsibility and provide a stepping stone to full adulthood is far too wide to be covered fully in a leaflet of this size and therefore we shall consider that it is beneficial in this instance.
One of the main concerns in a ceremony of this type is when it should happen.
The onset of menstruation varies widely from girl to girl and consideration should be given to those of her peers who may still await the event. Traditionally this ceremony has been part of the women’s mysteries, celebrated apart from the men of the family or group, although it is important that the men know that the young woman is no longer a child and should not be treated as one (how many of us have heard the protestations of a young woman when asked to sit on Dad’s lap when they day before it was acceptable, or that she wants to be called by her full name and not the affectionate pet name of her childhood?).
For those who ascribe to a nature based spirituality, at first blood, a celebration may be held by the women of the family and perhaps a more public celebration included in the festival of Imbolc within the hearth ritual. For those with no formal belief a spring party when the earth is coming back to life would be appropriate.
The transition from boy to man is much more gradual and therefore more difficult to pinpoint. Should it be when the youth’s voice squeaks for the first time, or when the first vestiges of facial hair appear? This does create a dilemma, no longer is there a need for hunting or battle and there is no modern equivalent. Again perhaps a celebration with the men of the family or group at the Imbolc festival after the youth’s voice begins to break for those with nature based spirituality or a springtime celebration for others
The ceremonies for boys and girls may mirror each other. The aim is to welcome the young person as they move forward into another stage in their life, and to give them tokens of this transition. Advice and instruction on what increasing responsibility means and the way in which the young person should conduct themselves are also appropriate The young person will enter the ceremony as a child and emerge from it as a young woman or young man.
Completion of a specific project prior to the ceremony may be appropriate (such as the meaning of responsibility or practical work on ecology or for the community). New sponsors may be chosen by the young person themselves, as appropriate mentors for this stage in their lives. They may be asked to make promises or affirmations as an individual (rather than the sponsors and parents at a naming ceremony). Suitable tokens for a young man in this ceremony are a small knife (bearing in mind the laws governing the carrying of blades – a Swiss Army knife would be ideal) a staff – the cutting of this staff by the young man himself might be included in the ceremony, or perhaps a drinking cup. Suitable tokens for a young woman in this ceremony may be a chalice, a necklace, ring or other piece of jewellery. The young person may enter the ceremony dressed as a child or in a colour that denotes purity, and new clothes may be presented to them. (It may not a good idea to present a young person with their first ritual tools at this ceremony but it may be good to start teaching woodcraft or care of the environment and nature at this time)
This ceremony is not only a welcoming and honouring ceremony but also a time where the responsibility for one’s own actions can be reaffirmed along with the responsibilities required of one who is reaching adulthood.
LifeRites has a national network of Registered Celebrants willing to conduct and or advise on specific or general ceremonies where the individual does not wish to do this themselves. If you wish to request this service, please write to the address on the front of this leaflet, enclosing a stamped, self-addressed envelope. Please give as much information as to your spiritual path (if appropriate), location and date of the ceremony.