Funerals
More and more people are expressing a wish that their funeral or the funeral of loved one be a personal and meaningful celebration of their life rather than the impersonal ceremony of some mainstream religions.
This leaflet is designed to guide the individual through the process from a death to the funeral and we recommend that it is used in conjunction with the leaflet “What to do after a death” (leaflet D49) which is available free of charge from DSS or HMSO.
In short the answer is yes, but you should think carefully before volunteering or asking any one else to do so. It is possible not to involve a funeral director but there are many stumbling blocks of which you must be aware, for example the requirements of a crematorium, the problems which may be met in keeping a body at home etc. There are many funeral directors who are happy to keep their involvement within your requirements and to guide you through the legalities following a death.
Apart from the forms issued by the registrar, coroner and hospitals, every other form can be found at a competent funeral director’s office and they able to give a trained ear to your worries, offer advice, if asked, and guide you through procedures. They should for example be able to tell you which local cemetery or crematorium might be most appropriate if you have a specific need for your ceremony. They can explain the differences in various types of grave and what local authority stipulations govern head stones. Embalming is sometimes routine practice, make it clear at the outset whether you wish this and don’t be afraid to ask whether it is appropriate or necessary in your particular case.
The cost of dying can be expensive and the price of coffins can vary immensely. Ensure that you are made aware of all costs that may be incurred at the outset and also of alternatives to the standard requirements. Cardboard and wicker coffins are available and are far more reasonable than wood. You may use your own transport and pall-bearers if you wish. You may also, by arrangement, dress your loved one prior to the funeral whilst they rest at the funeral home (note that no metal objects should remain in the coffin when it is closed if the deceased is to be cremated. You may request that your loved one returns to lie in your home the night prior to the funeral or early on the day of the If who ever is arranging the funeral is receiving benefit and there is not enough money to pay for the funeral, ask for form SF200 from your local social security office. Claims must be made within three months of the date of the funeral and any payment made must be repaid from the estate of the deceased, which for this purpose does not include a house occupied by a surviving partner and personal items left to relatives.
You can purchase, for a lump sum or instalments, a prepaid funeral but ensure that the company chosen will give assurances that wishes concerning the nature of the funeral, the Officiant and any other details you may decide upon will be followed. Note the need to reserve the right to bill your estate with any VAT or similar tax imposed in the future. A prepaid funeral ensures that the cost is covered whether you die tomorrow or in fifty years but ask around to see what your local funeral directors can offer and ask for recommendations from others.
The ceremony can be held almost anywhere providing permission is gained. It is usual to hold the ceremony at the crematorium if the deceased is to be cremated, although if there are many attending who do not hold the deceased’s spiritual beliefs it may be advisable to hold the spiritual ceremony prior to the crematorium service. If a burial has been chosen, there are many woodland sites that are now available, details of these may be obtained from your local council or library. It is possible to bury the deceased on private land but be sure to ascertain what local bylaws and restrictions may be imposed by the council.
Yes, if it is to be conducted in a crematorium or woodland burial ground. Obviously if the funeral is to be conducted within the sacred houses of established religions then a minister from that path will be required to conduct the ceremony.
The funeral service may be conducted by friends and family if it is so wished and LifeRites will be happy to provide support and guidance to enable you to do this or to provide a Celebrant if you would prefer.
Some people wish to compose their own funeral ceremony before their death to relieve their family of the task at a stressful time, others may just indicate special music and readings which they would like to include.
There is no set format for a funeral held at a graveside or crematorium but time constraints must be considered for the latter, if the ceremony takes longer than 20 minutes it is best to book a double slot at the crematorium. If the main ceremony is to be held at a woodland graveside the weather and people’s ability to stand for some time should be taken into account. You may wish to hold the main ceremony in a hall or at home with a short interment at the graveside.
You may wish to have a woodland ceremony to scatter ashes at a time after the cremation. The choice is yours.
There are many touches that can make the ceremony seem personal. Often a lighted lantern is placed on the coffin (do check fire regulations of venue if you wish to use naked flame or incense) this is then handed to the chief mourner to carry to the floral tribute area or placed on the grave. Many crematoria and burial sites will allow you to place a small charcoal brazier in the floral tribute area, on which mourners can place twigs of Yew to send their last thoughts up with the smoke. We also recommend that in a crematorium, the curtains surrounding the coffin are not closed during the ceremony but left open until the mourners have paid their respects to the deceased and departed the building.
LifeRites has a national network of Registered Celebrants willing to conduct and/or advise on specific or general ceremonies where the family do not wish to do this themselves. If you wish to request this service please telephone 01994 484527 giving as much information as possible.