A New Freedom

Humankind are almost unique in the event of the menopause, the only other species which pass through this is a type of whale! All other mammals have the ability to procreate until the end of their life. This unique experience should be marked in some way

In this youth focussed society, menopause tends to mean getting old – ageing appears to be unacceptable as shown by the demand for plastic surgery to retain our youthful appearance and also in the general ageist policy of the market place.

Many women feel that the menopause, whether occurring naturally or brought on by surgery, leaves them incomplete, their childbearing days done, they feel they have lost some of their usefulness. Given the sometimes uncomfortable symptoms of the menopause and the belief that it may lessen the risk of osteoporosis, some turn to hormone replacement therapy which continues menstruation past the natural time of menopause. This leaflet is not the place to debate the pros and cons of HRT but to examine the positive aspects of the menopause and how we may celebrate the event as a Rite of Passage.

With society’s compulsion to banish ageing we rush for the hair dye, the diets, the gym, the tummy tucks and face lifts, lest we are thought to be past our “sell by date” and in doing so we miss the mystery of passage into another stage in our life.

In the mists of time this event was celebrated and the woman revered for her experience and wisdom, she was looked on as an elder, one to whom you could turn for advice, the venerable grandmother, matriarch of the family. She had successfully seen her own children through to maturity and could pass on her knowledge and wisdom to new generations.

For herself, she discovered a new freedom, relieved of the ties of growing children and menstruation, she was able to pursue her own path gaining more knowledge and returning, in some part, to the maiden she once was. Many women today are discovering this freedom, returning to study, embarking on a different career and often discovering their true spirituality

Growing old is part of our human state and brings with it a new insight into the meaning of life and thus we should celebrate it

When can we celebrate the menopause?

The menopause is a gradual process and difficult to pinpoint. A woman may experience the symptoms of menopause for many years before the cessation of menstruation, and months may pass between each menstruation becoming longer and longer until it finally stops. Therefore the timing of the ceremony is important. Perhaps a good guide is once a year and a day has passed without menstruation, the likelihood is that after this amount of time, menstruation will not return.

Who should be present at the ceremony?

Ideally all family and friends, but given that some women may feel sensitive in celebrating this with men, it may be celebrated with women only, or partially with women and the marking of eldership with everyone.

What should be included in the ceremony

As there is no formal precedent for this ceremony it is up to personal choice, but similar to the menarche may be appropriate. It is a transition from motherhood to elder, entering the ceremony as one and departing as the other, thus a change of clothing may be appropriate. Those who ascribe to a nature based spirituality may wish to ask the blessing of the elements and deity, calling on them to witness the passage from one stage to another. Tokens may be given, and the blessings of the woman asked for by those attending. It may be appropriate for the woman to make promises that befit her new status and her altered responsibilities. She may outline a new project on which she wishes to embark, those present may ask her for guidance or for her to become a sponsor for themselves or their children. Food and drink may be shared with the woman playing a special part in the preparation, blessing and sharing of them. Those gathered may be called upon to witness the transition and celebrate the attaining of eldership. What ever choices are made for inclusion in the ceremony, it is important that the woman should feel cherished and respected at this new stage in her life.

What about the man?

Although there is no specific indication, such as menopause when man passes into this stage of life, it may be also appropriate to celebrate his eldership. The passage from father to elder is no less important than that of a woman, it is just more difficult to determine.

The timing of the ceremony perhaps should be left to the man himself when he is ready to put aside his pursuit of youth and take on altered responsibilities. In times gone by this celebration occurred when his fighting days were done, passing on his knowledge and experience to the younger generations, taking part in the governing of the community and such. Today retirement from work may be an appropriate time. Many men are using this time to return to study, or turn their mind to things spiritual, they also discover a new freedom. Consideration should be given at this time that they might feel that they have come to the end of their useful life and they should also know that they, too, are cherished and respected.

Ageing is a natural and inevitable process, we should celebrate it and not fear it.

Eldership Ceremony