Weddings and Handfastings

Handfasting is a traditional form of betrothal, the origins of which are largely lost in the mists of time. There is evidence to suggest that Handfasting ceremonies were still conducted publicly in Scotland until the 19th century and several customs associated with this form of marriage still survive today. In general, the term Handfasting has been adopted by nature based spiritualities to describe a wedding ceremony that allows a couple to make a commitment to one another within their own spiritual/religious path.

We do not offer any sort of suggested ritual for a Handfasting. General guidelines and suggestions are covered, but apart from what may be seen as key elements, people should be free to construct their own form of ritual to produce something that is meaningful for them.

Handfastings and the Law.

The law governing the conducting of marriages in the U.K., states that the only form of legal marriage ceremony which can be conducted in England without the presence of a registrar, is one carried out by ordained ministers of the Church of England, unless the minister or priest officiating is a Registrar. In other religious ceremonies a Registrar has to be present to “witness” on behalf of the state. In Scotland the law is somewhat different and the Church of Scotland is considered the “official” state religion. Alternative marriage ceremonies have no legal standing as the law exists today. Both in England and Scotland, marriages conducted by a Registrar are not allowed to have any religious or spiritual elements incorporated into them, although they can be “blessed” afterwards in a manner

appropriate to the couple in question. Scotland is slightly different, it is possible for representatives of “minority religions” to apply for licences to conduct ceremonies, conditional on certain criteria being fulfilled. Also, marriages, other than those conducted by a Registrar, can be conducted anywhere within reason. We recommend that people wishing to marry or living in Scotland should obtain a copy of the Marriage (Scotland) Act of 1997 and seek advice from a Registrar.

Venues

In 1996 the Government introduced changes to the law regarding the conducting of civil marriage ceremonies. Whilst changes in the law did make it possible to hold a civil ceremony in places other than a Registry Office, it does not mean that a ceremony can be held anywhere.. A venue to be used for conducting marriages has to be licenced by the local authority and application has to be submitted by the owners of the venue in question. Licences cost (at inception of the law) £778.

Venues subject to licence must be open and accessible to the general public and must have no religious connection, or be used at other times for separate religious ceremonies. They must have a roof and not be “open to the air”. It is not therefore possible to apply for a licence for a private venue or somewhere that is in the open air. Ceremonies must also be conducted in daylight.

Your local Registry Office, Council or Library should have a list of licenced venues in your locality. It is worth noting that having the civil aspect of your marriage conducted at a non-registry office licenced venue carries an additional fee ranging from £95 - £180 dependant on the day of the week.

Planning your ceremony

The planning for a handfasting is very similar to planning an ordinary wedding. The main decision, when a legal ceremony is required, is to decide whether you wish to try for a combined ceremony or, as in some European countries, the civil and the religious ceremonies are separate, visiting the Registry office for the civil ceremony with a few special guests either the day before or earlier in the day of the religious ceremony. One other difference between an ordinary wedding and a handfasting is the consideration that some of the guests may not understand the ceremony. It is a good idea to provide explanation sheets for this purpose, both at the time of invitation and more fully on the day of the ceremony.

You should always check on your chosen site well in advance for availability accessibility, car parking etc. Also, if the ceremony is to be held outside, what contingency plans can you make if the weather is inclement. Make sure that if the venue is on private land that permission of the owners is gained and remember that you may be disturbed by visitors if you choose a well known site.

The Ritual.

Traditionally the handfasting was for a “year and a day” the couple choosing after this time to renew their vows or to go their own ways without recrimination, rather than the lifetime commitment of the christian church. Some people wish to combine both of these vows, or substitute them with “As long as love will last” or “As long as the Gods will it”. Some who believe in reincarnation express the wish to carry their commitment “in perpetuity” (think long and hard before using this though.)

Setting a limit on the commitment does not mean that a handfasting should not be taken just as seriously as

any other form of marriage ceremony, any vows taken should be considered a serious matter.

Who will conduct the ceremony?

The social conditioning that dictates an “accredited” person should conduct the ceremony has an effect on many who wish an alternative marriage. This does not have to be the case. Where the couple have an established spiritual path they may wish to turn to someone within that path who they know and respect, they may also make the choice to conduct the ceremony themselves.

What should we include in the Ritual

What ever you wish. There are many samples of rituals in books, or there may be a ritual for your specific path, if you follow one. The most important thing is that the ritual should be meaningful to the couple. Having said this there are common elements to most forms of handfastings, the most important of which is the exchanging of vows and rings (or other token) and the handfasting from which the ceremony gets its name. The act of handfasting involves tying the hands of the two people involved together at some point in the ceremony and later unbinding. The purpose of tying the hands together is to symbolise that the two people have “come together”, the untying means that they remain together of their own free will, however, some may choose to remove the cord from their wrists still tied as a remembrance of their vows. The Vows exchanged are the contract into which the two people enter, they may be a few words or many, some people like to write them down and exchange these during the ceremony as a keepsake. Another common element is “jumping the broomstick”. This is derived from a time when two people, wishing to be accepted as a married couple, who did not have access to, or could not afford a Church ceremony, would be accepted as a married couple by their community if they literally jumped over a broom laid on the floor. There are many variants on this “threshold”: an evergreen branch, a rope of flowers, flame or even a “toll” may be demanded of the couple as they leave.

Checklist

Planning

Ceremony