Get your head together, think dammit think! Who should I call at this hour? Will they be up? Will they be able to advise?
These and other thoughts ran through the alcohol soaked single-cell Protozoa that I call my Brain. What brought this on? I'll tell you.
I had been out on a rare visit to my local Pub, it was the 'Quiz night' I had a good time, chatted to friends and of course, drank copious quantities of good Yorkshire Ale into the bargain. I arrived home in good humour with the obligatory florid complexion and beautiful bloodshot eyes that such an evening induces. My wife then told me that P had called and that it sounded like he had a problem, I thought that it was probably something to do with his new computer and so called him to impart my beer-soaked wisdom on the subject. I sobered in an instant as he informed me that his wife had suddenly died! The Police and Ambulance were at his home and he was in a daze. I was stuck! I had been drinking! I could not drive and my friend needed me!
Luckily, another friend was called on who drove me to P's house. I spoke to the Police and gave them my telephone number and address as a secondary contact, and then took a numb and dazed P back to my home. I also offered to act as 'sandbag' to field any enquiries from friends of P and to allow him a bit of space to come to terms with the tragedy.
The next day I E-mailed Cheryl of LifeRites, who gave me some sound advice with regards to the funeral arrangements. P's wife was a Pagan, and the extended family was comprised of Jehovah's Witnesses and Christians. The temptation was to try to please everybody, but both P and I agreed that his wife's beliefs should not be compromised to placate those of other faiths. P asked me to conduct the funeral service. I confess that I did not have a clue where to begin, but Cheryl advised and encouraged me and soon I had a framework composed. This is when the difficulties arose, as during discussions about the service there are always those who suggest it should be done different. Thankfully I stuck to the plan and on the day of the funeral I knuckled down to getting the job done! Final discussions with my co-minister, quiet words with the Funeral Director as to what I wanted where and how, and checking with our 'fire-keeper' who had the brazier and yew slips that all was well.
I had preached in Church when I was a Christian, and had given lectures and instruction before classes when I was a soldier, but this was different! It was a friend of mine in the coffin, we had spoken only hours before her sudden death, her family and friends were sat grieving before me. Have you ever tried to speak when your voice is choked with emotion? I confess, I tried to distance myself from it all and performed the service as if it was for a complete stranger! There would be time for tears later. I had to read the poem Do not stand at my grave how I managed to get through it without breaking down I don't know.
After the service, a Wiccan High Priestess came up and said to me, "How many times do the Old Ones have to keep slapping you in the face? You know what you have to do!"
This Priestess did not know that I had been offered a place on the LifeRites course and had let the opportunity pass on two occasions! I was not about to let the third pass! I took it as confirmation and contacted Cheryl, who said that she knew all along but was waiting for me to recognise it. I hope that this is not taken to be an ego trip on my part. But I feel that there is a need for Pagans to provide information and service in these areas. I had done courses in Pastoral care and bereavement counselling, but that was a long time ago and the military mindset is somewhat different than the civilian. My task now is to learn and hopefully, serve my community. I owe it to P, his late Wife and all who have shown faith in me.
Bereaved names omitted.