I remember thinking, "Yep, this course is for me". I did not want to face death/dying/illness with all of these confused thoughts - or even worse - unable to think about it at all. I felt that I was spinning helplessly during Mum's illness and that somehow, she managed to die before we were ready. "Would we have ever been ready?" I asked myself.
A LifeRites Interactive Worker - such as I hope to present - would have helped us prepare a bit, been with us, bridged some of the gaps, offered practical services and most of all - listened. There is always a way to develop ideas, which are reasonable and possible, while retaining empathy with the client.
I made a vow to my community on the LifeRites Graduation
day:
I will honour the LifeRites Code with compassion and
humility, with pride and humour to all of those in my family
and circle of friends, my community and as far into the world
as I can touch.
I also promised for a year and a day:
To give my time, listening and communication to all
kinds of people when I can, in the best way that I can. I
will recall the ethic, "There is so much good in the
worst of us, and there is so much bad in the best of us, that
it ill becomes one of us to criticise the rest of
us".
All of this seems very sound on paper. One of the ingredients that must not be overlooked as it one of the major raisons d'etre for being involved in LifeRites in the first place is the client, the client's family and other outside agencies.
The work is often an ongoing series of meetings, in different situations and to be in contact with the client's family. The following is an extract from my Working Journal - which continues to be an invaluable self-counselling guide. At this point, my client has been taken into hospital and is close to death.
My feelings tonight are, "On no, It's here". Hope he lasts though a bit 'cos I came home from my evening class tonight and yes, a bit of a full day at work - it was classic horror. I've got a headache and I feel absolutely knackered. Can't manage a death tonight and am fighting myself silly over it. But I must also collect myself.
I crawled about on the floor for a bit because my legs gave way and there I was, wrestling with my dark side. I must find strength in the compassion to deal with me. It's not that I don't expect him to die, but not like this, not without dignity. What am I going to do if he wants to come home? How can I arrange that in this condition? - it would be so fraught if he died on the way. I must search from a bit of guidance from Brown Owl. For some reason I'm remembering the Guide's promise 'to help other people al all times (I dispute that in myself now) especially those at home'. Especially helping people to get home in my current situation as a LifeRites Interactive Worker.
He is full of tubes and needles, bruised and breathless when I arrive. He tries to talk as he has always done. He seems very bright considering. I had another image of him. He is presenting well - his old armour prevents him from doing anything else.
I choose my time and give him the back and foot massage that he has requested. And there's my walkman with the Nick Drake tape he loves so much. This I will leave with him. He's mentioned 'Hazy Jane' so much I wonder if we should use it during his ceremony.
But I read the man's fear and do not attempt to involve him in discussion. It is enough to have the gift of the present. I talk about the oils and the effect that they may have. Cold pressed sunflower oil for sunshine and associated vitamins plus a few drops of patchouli for grounding of the mind and nervous exhaustion. A few drops of marjoram again for the trauma and the chest infection and some drops of lemon for uplifting the immune system.
Of course, I had to ask permission to do this, as I am studying part-time gain my aromatherapy qualification, so I am insured as a student.
I've talked with the Mrs, who is a bit on the hyperdrive. She's delighted that he's better than he was. There's a massive dose of steroids and antibiotics being pumped into him - hence his ability to cope and appear as he does. She's encouraging him to eat and sleep and she's spent two nights watching over him. All the family, who are able, are willing to sit with him (a sister, and a nephew) so I am not called in for a vigil. I do not mind admitting relief here, as I still have my daily job as a teacher to attend to.
He often expresses his love of his family, 'Life would not have been the same without them' and his love and appreciation of his wife - of the great times and understanding between them. His outlook is also his awareness of so many friends. He knows that he is loved.
He can be loud and embarrassing, never failing to make his point - whether you agreed with him or not, you had his blazing opinion and sense of humour roaring like a fire towards you. My strategy is duck or laugh with him.
There is an alternative ending to this part of the tale however. My client has not died and once he began to receive treatment, had his oxygen changed and had his chest infection under control, he began to talk very positively about an operation that would clear some of the debris in his chest and prevent other infections. He has been offered the operation using a technique that would enable him to stay conscious and prolong his life we presume.
He is now out of hospital and has developed a respect for hospital staff (i.e. he has stopped referring to the local hospital as The Euthanasia Pit. I know I did a fair bit of liasing work during my visits. Nurses and Doctors are only people and need to be communicated with properly and caringly. It is not a job or environment that I would necessarily choose for work full time, but I am able to work where communication is needed, and I can offer aromatherapy skills along my LifeRites role.
Life is a series of lessons and I have been presented here with the opportunities to see things differently. During the process, my marbles may have scattered for a short while and this was not pleasant, but everything has a beginning, middle and an end. We are still in the middle, my client and I, and I may not be 'ready', but I am prepared and being with the LifeRites Crew is of enormous benefit to me.
My thanks to all of those who have listened and helped.